Transport Runs The NHS!

Well Thursdays typically are tough days but this has been tough in a whole different way. Not because Steve has been in physical pain which is normally where we are at this stage, but the mental stress of knowing or not knowing what is the right decision to make over his arm and continuing with the treatment. However he is still in pain with his arm and it is frightening when he goes to use his arm, you just don’t realize how much you use your arms. That sounds silly to write but it is true, just to get up, to get out of bed he collapsed as he used his arm, which makes you realise how scary this whole thing is.


Steve went for his xray this morning, shortly after I posted on the blog and he looked so poorly, sat in the wheel chair, in some green hospital pj's, with 2 blankets and a fluid bag hanging onto the wheel chair. He looked totally deflated and anxious. A nurse came with us to ensure he was okay. After the xray he then went straight for an ultra sound on his leg, as they are also trying to look for where the blood clots are coming from.

Once we got back to the ward, Tom had been on the phone to say that he had organised for Steve to be transferred over to the Royal London hospital for an MRI scan and also for them to take fluid from his shoulder, as they want to test it to see if their is an infection. So whilst we waited for the transport to arrive Steve slept in the bed. After an hour one of the doctors came in to tell us that Steve was now not going to the Royal London, as they couldn’t get any transport! Transport was all booked for the day! I couldnt believe it but had been told one of the times that transport run the hospital! And looks like that true! It makes you question our whole NHS system!

So the plan was changed to wait until tomorrow when the MRI here will be available.

For the rest of the day Steve has been sleeping on and off and slowly coming back to feeling human again. His skin is still sore, particularly on his face around his eyes. But he got his appetite back and so I went to McDonalds for some comfort food.

Steve hasn’t made his mind up completely on what he is going to do tomorrow regarding whether to take the next dose or not. This is all dependant on what comes back on the MRI scan, if it is an infection, then we would need to deal with that but if it is a side effect, then that’s when the tough question comes. Do you risk this getting worse for one more extra dose.

One thing from all of this, is that you cant look to far in the future you need to take things as they come, as you just dont know what is coming. I remember only this morning being on such a high coming in this morning having had a great nights sleep, knowing that Steve would have had as well on the magic pills, expecting the day to be filled with helping Steve get through the next couple of doses, feeling happy that it was Thursday knowing that it means the week is coming to the end and happy with the number of doses. I always feel an anxious feeling as I walk through the ward to Steves room, as I am always hoping he will be resting when I get there and even though every night I drill it into the staff to call me what ever what, they always give me that same look, that Im never convinced that they will. I wish I had a little camera or a baby alarm in the room that I could see or hear how is getting on. Sounds like Im a bit over the top about this but its just worse for those few steps as I come into the ward, the night is the only time I leave Steve for any length of time, so think that’s why the mornings are the worse, that and not ever knowing what the day will bring!

So now with Steve not on any medication he and I should hopefully have a good nights sleep and then we can face tomorrow when it comes.