We need the Sun to Shine

Sorry for the long delay between posts, a mixture of reasons. At first because we were busy with getting on with life but then secondly unfortunately over the last few weeks Steve has not been well.


Steve is feeling incredibly low and if truthful low does not even begin to describe Steve’s state of mind. He, as you will know has never been one to let life get him down and never worried about anything!!! Remember back to my first post where Steve’s attitude to the cancer was a nuisance but at least the golf and cricket are on the TV!

Gosh that seems such a long time ago.

So many times in the past we have sat together and I’ve been telling him about my trivial worries but every time, he would tell me to break down the worry and if when I had done that I either had the solution or if not, then don’t worry about it! I remember how frustrating that would feel but he was so right.

Well that seems like forever ago. Steve has become trapped in a world where the worries of everyday things stop him from living his life. It is so consuming for him, he can’t focus on anything else. Even the small things are a battle for Steve and he simply focuses on getting through each day,

How many times do people say I’m feeling down or even I’m feeling a bit depressed today. Well I can honestly tell you never again will I utter those words. Depression is serious issue in so many people and it isn’t about feeling fed up, it is a truly life debilitating state and can not be solved by someone telling you to pull yourself together! As some one said to me the other day. If it was simply as easy as pulling yourself together, then Steve would but it isn’t and I’m for the first time at a total loss and despair of how to help Steve.

How cruel is this life, when you have so much to deal with, that out of no where your mind decides to play awful havoc with you. Like having cancer is not bad enough.

Of course many people have said, it is only natural and to be expected for some one in Steve’s position to go through this but that doesn’t make it right nor more importantly does it make it fair! Steve in his physical health is doing quite well. He has been on the cancer tablets now for a month and the side effects have been fairly limited but they are not sure whether the drug is causing some of Steve’s feelings. We saw the Prof on Wednesday and he has stopped Steve taking the Affinitor for a week, to see if that helps with his feelings.

So with Steve feeling so well physically it feels to me even crueler that his feelings of worry and sadness are stopping him from doing the things he could be doing.

Our GP and Macmillan nurse have been their truly wonderful selves and have been a huge support and have given Steve some more tablets to add to his ever increasing twice daily routine! And also some advice on how to handle everyday things.

So that leaves us wishing and praying that the tablets start to make a difference as soon as possible.