Monday, 9 May 2011

Time of the Month

The 9th of the month is my time of the month! Watch out people I'm not good company on the 9th or the 10th of the month. Because I don't want to talk to other people I just want to talk to you Steve.

I miss you Steve, why aren't you here.
Why aren't you seeing the things I am. Why aren't we planning for trips away. Why aren't you here to make me laugh. Why am I feeling all of this pain. 6 months without you and it still hurts so much.

You missed Megan at her first athletics match of the season today and she didn't want to do it without you there, cheering and coaching her on like you did every time. Victoria  has her SATS this week and she wants to tell you Steve how she got on.

What has happened to this world when someone who saw the good in everyone isn't here anymore. How is this possible.

I was gardening this evening and couldn't find my gloves, so I used yours. I could feel your hands in them. We always held hands, even when we went to sleep at night and even now I still say good night to you. Can you hear me?

The robin is here all of the time and Im sure its you, checking on your garden.
Andy fed and treated the grass last week and he said the robin was watching him the whole time.

6 months it should be feeling easier and most of the time it is but at this time of the month I feel overwhelmed with grief. Like I just cant believe that another month has gone by and your not coming back. Not going to walk through the front door again not going to tell me that "Ill be the judge of that!" and most of all not giving me a huge hug and tell me to "break it down!" And if I cant work out how a way to fix things then to not worry about them!

I still haven't moved anything your clothes still in the wardrobe I  feel like I should be doing it but I cant. Your voice still on the answer machine I secretly keep thinking your going to come back and need them! But your not are you? Im not going to see you again am I?

I love you Steve and I know if love could have kept you here then you would never have gone. x x

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