To have loved

To have loved and lost is surely better than to have never loved.......

A statement used so casually in the movies but one I can truly appreciate.

To have been with someone who was so proud of you. Someone who praised you and was so happy when you came home. That feeling of seeing someone again, when you have only been parted for a few hours but it felt like forever. Is one that no one can ever take away from me.

A feeling that at my lowest doesn't make me sad but makes me glad.

Many people live a life never knowing that feeling and as easy as it would be for me to feel angry that I had that for such a short time before life so cruelly took it away it doesn't. It instead makes me realize that it is possible. It is possible to be with someone who thinks you are FAB, someone who loves to tell their friends all about how wonderful you are. And someone who is not only a great friend and a trusted partner but someone who takes your breath away.  I knew Steve for such a short space of time but he was everything I wanted in a partner.  Not that we didn't argue, gosh I remember heated debates on all sorts of topics but none of which ever lasted more than an evening. We never went to bed on a cross word. We lived our lives knowing even before cancer that life was too short to go to sleep on an argument. And it was this attitude that meant we just knew that we were soul mates.


It makes life now a strange place to be. On the one hand I know I will never expect anything less but on the hand knowing that these things just don't come knocking at your door. And even without waiting at home how likely is it that you can find this more than once?

Life is good at the moment, busy with work and with the spring trying to arrive and the garden starting to wake up I feel myself looking forward to the year. Amazing how time is a healer. It doesn't make you forget, you never forget just learn to deal with the emotions and use them to bring comfort rather than despair.

Im continuing to be involved with the  James Whale Kidney Cancer fund and the Hospice which helps me and I think helps them.

So life is still a journey and now instead of dreading, not knowing what the next day will bring Im just trying to enjoy the steps and treat the twist and turns as all part of being lucky to be alive.