Sunday, 29 January 2012


I miss you. Its Sunday and Sundays have always been hard without you but its more than Sundays. I miss you every day. I miss talking to you, sharing life with you. Debating as we always did on nearly every topic that touched our lives. And I miss you.
I feel now desperate to move on. Not forgetting you. I will never ever forget you, nor replace you but I need to move on. I need to move past being defined by the woman who lost her husband/soul mate. Not so much because of the title but more to do with the companionship. I cant and wont ever replace you but I have to believe that I will love again. I know not in the same way but I want to love and I want to be loved. Is that wrong? Is the time too short? All questions I ask myself and I know others ask.
I dont know. Is their a time limit? Is their a right time?
All I do know is that we werent put on this earth to be alone.
Now Im not talking "living with someone!" Im not even talking about serious dating but something.
And at this time I dont know what that something looks like. I just know I cant stand being in the place Im at right now.
So I want you to know that what ever happens I love you. If I could do anything to bring you back I would. Sit in a dark room only wearing black for 5 years I would do it but I know that wont change things. Nothing is going to bring you physically back but I know I have you I have you by side, in my heart forever.
I still question the absolute madness that is a life without you in it. I still hear you and I know we talked about this and I know you always said you wanted me to live my life and be in love again.
You were never a jealous man, in fact times when I moaned at you to be more jealous.
I visited our friends today, just popped into say hi. They were busy getting ready to go out as a family, as we would have been only a couple of years ago. I wanted to see one of your friends as they remind me of you. Remind me of how you were. Remind me that life moves on. People are on this earth to live.
I dont know what this stage will mean nor bring but I do know I need to do something for me but most of all I want you to know I loved you and still love you, now and forever.

x x

1 comment:

  1. We all want you to be happy and so would Steve.
    Don't be sad his gone, be glad he was here.


    Mum and Dad