Small Steps - Big Hurdles

Well this time of year was always going to be hard. But again dont know why but it surprised me just how hard Christmas and the days that led up to it and followed have been so hard.

I suppose its simple really. This time of year is about family! And my family just doesn't feel complete....
But Im so incredibly thankful for the close family and friends that I have. And the girls. Now what would I do without the girls. Megan and Victoria just constantly remind you that life is for living. They have been what have kept me going. To them this time is hard and I can tell that, not by there actions but by the memories they talk about. They talk so fondly about Steve/Dad about the things we did, not with tears in their eyes but smiles on their faces and from that we should all learn.

And of course from my forever constant living friend the Robin....

Yes he or she has been about. About at times when Im not expecting him. Sitting on the garden fence, sitting on my car when I was trying to scrap the ice off. Even sat on my window ledge when I opened up my blind on Christmas morning.

And not just the Robin, it seems that things just happen which are unexpected which bring Steves memory straight back to life! Like the Christmas cracker I pulled on Christmas day, which had the trivia question about James Bond films. "How Many James Bond Films Have Only One Word In the Title" Now there was only person who could have been sat around the table that would have 100% known the answer to that question... And he wasn't there. So why out of all of the 10 crackers on the table did I get that one? Why didn't I have the one which said "How Many White Keys On A Piano" It like a bolt of lightening! As if to say I'm still here. I still live on and will always be here, in some form. Whether the Robin or the Trivia question or our favourite song on the radio, playing just when Im having a particularly low moment. These things are here all around and are so much more powerful than the photos or the memories in our heads. Its these things that make you stop and at the moment shed a tear but Im hoping in time the tear will turn to a smile.

Well as promised we completed the Fun Run and raised over £400 for the hospice and here is a photo of Megan (In Reindeer Suit) and Victoria who between them sang Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer for nearly all of the 3 miles! Meg wearing that suit all the way round and Vix dressed as a Santa! Both loving all of the cars sounding thier horns, giving everyone a wave!

It was a brilliant atmosphere and felt such a brilliant thing to be part of, as we truly knew what a difference the money would make. Since then we have been carol singing around the streets of Chobham on a very cold and snowy night, both girls knocking on doors, whilst a few of us walked along singing carols. Again I think we raised nearly £400. I have also made contact with the fundraising team at Woking hospice and am going to meet them in the New Year.

Unfortunately the lads football match had to be postponed due to snow on the pitch! But a date is being organised for the next few weeks.

I have also been asked to help with a Kidney Cancer fundraising ball and a Woking hospice one, so things are going to be busy in 2011 fundraising.

So my life continues to be busy and that really is by my choice. I dont want to sit around too much. Im not that sort of person but also it gives me too much time to think! And thinking at the moment is not good!As a very dear friend said to me, be proud of yourself, as ever hurdle is hard but you are doing so well. 

At times it feels like I am and others it feels like Im straight back to the day Steve passed away.

Well I am going to continue to make small steps and hope in doing so that the hurdles will slowly be chipped away.