3 months

Dear Steve
Today 3 months ago was the last time I got to share a bed with you and cuddle up close at night. The last time I could wake up in the morning and see you lying next to me. And I miss you. You always had such a way to make me smile. I remember the last thing you said to me, in fact the last thing you said to anyone. You looked at me 2 days before you died and said "I love You" not promted as a reply to me saying I love you, as I always did but just out of the blue. You then pursed your lips so I could kiss you. I will never forget that moment, so many moments I wont forget.
I miss your voice. I miss your lips.
As the days have gone on and I find myself faced with life without you, it hurts more and more. I dont know why but I thought time would slowly heal things but at the moment it just makes things more painful. People mean well, when they ask me how I am but Im lost for words, so I continue to say up and down, which close friends know mean "Im shit but thanks for asking!"
Also I cant stand listening to people out and about who dont know about you, so much so that Ive turned into wearing my head phones, who would have thought I would listen to my Ipod  in the doctors surgery just to block out the sound of 2 woman chatting endlessly about their lives! What I wanted to say was Shut Up! Dont you know I will never see Steve again! I will never hear his voice, never feel his hand on my shoulder but instead thankfully for them and me I simply put my headphones in!
Ive been working hard though, trying my best to take small steps back on a path without you.

Finally the gates your ordered in September arrived on Tuesday and they are beautiful! I know you would have loved them, they are so you! So beautifully hand crafted and just as you wanted them. Thankfully Bruce came over, as I had no idea what to ask or to look for.
And the bathroom, well as we planned Allan has been refurbishing the bathroom.  But I have to admit I have deviated somewhat from the plan!!! Not in the design but the tiles. I know you would love them but Im not so sure you would love the price! The tiles that is, not Allan as he is amazing! I did try and do what you would have done and even went back to the tile warehouse where we bought all of the tiles in the rest of the house from but it was so painful! Looking around, not really knowing what I was looking at nor being able to stand walking around the same place we had spent many weekends looking and comparing tiles! I just felt such a fake walking around, you remember all I did was look for pretty things not looking at the practical ones as you put it! Well left to my own I was worse, not having a clue what I was looking for. All I knew was I wanted them to be perfect and most of all I wanted you to be there with me. So I took the wimps way out and fell in love with some hand crafted tiles from Fired Earth!! I know budget blowing but beautiful!
Well the bathroom is nearly finished and I think you would be proud of it. As you would be proud of how your friends have been taking care of me and the girls. Many faces not waiting to be asked but popping over and helping out, as I know you would have done for them.
I found my birthday card that you wrote me, the last one you gave me and you talk about how much you love me and me being your rock! But you were my rock and without my rock, life is very hard.
I miss you terribly and still dread going to bed at night, as sleeping is still not forth coming! Maybe its because your not snoring next to me!
I love you Steve and will always love you. And am so proud of the person you were and how throughout all of the illness you were so strong and that makes me determined to get through each day, as I know you would want me to.
Love
Hewitty x x x