Another Sunday....

Weekends are always difficult and particularly Sundays.
Sunday is about families.
Sunday is the day when you "hang out" do the things that need to be done around the house. The day when I  loved cooking a Sunday Roast! Steve always said that it was so lovely that no matter what we were doing I always cooked a Sunday roast! And I loved it. There is something about a roast dinner and the whole family sitting around to eat it.
But since Steve has gone I just cant bring myself to cook a roast and I dread Sundays coming.
So many things I cant face doing.
Silly things such as  changing our sky package.
A strange thing but Steve being the sports fan he was, always had the full sports package on our Sky. But I not being a sports fan or in fact someone who watches much TV I find myself paying for the full package. Only a small thing but I just cant bring myself to cancel it. Its almost as though cancelling it, is like admitting that Steve wont be back to watch the cricket or football. Also the thought of cancelling or changing anything such as our answer machine is just too tough at the moment.
Steves voice still booms out whenever we cant get to the phone and at this time I just cant get take it off (even on here I cant write the word delete!) and I know to the outside world is seems mad! But I remember the "discussion!" we had about changing his once single mans message to a couple "Steve and Sally" message and it means so much to hear his voice saying our names. I have lots of videos of him and so can hear his voice when ever I want but this message is the gate way to our house, its our number, is our message to our house which we built and created together, which I now find myself living in on my own.
And quite frankly it stinks!
I want him back, what is so bad about that! I want him  here. I dont want to be on my own with the kids! I want to share Sundays with him. I want to be cooking roast dinner. I want to be "hanging out!" in our house, which will be forever our house, with or without the Sports channel on Sky!
As a good friend of Steves said to me this weekend.
"Steve loved you very much and he wanted you to be happy every day of your life and try to find a way through the fog."
And I of course will continue to find myself through this fog but I suppose I just have to accept that Sundays will be hard. But Steve would be wanting me to get on and get on I am trying to do but getting on is easier said then done, when you have lost the love of your life.
  x x x x x