My Nan

She used to say something which I didnt realise until now how true it was.
"Worry About Those That Do, Not Those Who Dont"
How true this is, finding myself travelling down a path that I dont want to be on Ive realised what family, friends and true love is about.
Everyone suffers in their own way when they loose someone and Steve was a larger than life character. He touched so many peoples lives. Like the guy who came to measure up a replacement window, to the letters I've found from the girls he knew at school. All of these people have a story, have a memory and all wish he wasn't gone.
But he is gone.
Nothing we can do can bring him back. Me staying in our house and wishing and wanting him back, will not make him return. I only knew Steve for a fraction of time compared to his family and friends. But we were in love. Love with each other, making plans for the future, laughing at our pasts and both wishing we had got to spend more time together.
Why is it people measure love/caring by time you had with each other. Ive become to realise that is nonsense. You can be with someone for 10 plus years and not go through what Steve and I did. I was there with him through the pain, suffering. I was his rock! And that was his words. He knew I loved him. He knew I would fight for him and most of all he loved me. So why is it now when Im making the next step, not that I want to be taking any steps that people feel they have a right to control me. Im not wanting to hurt anyone. I knoew people are suffering but Im suffering. Can you imagine living in a house which you built for your family and your family is ripped away. Yes Im still here, Yes Megs is still here and Yes Victoria is as well but Steve isnt. He was the one that made us complete and without him, it just feels empty. Everything we do here feels like there is someone missing because there is.
So today I spent the day laughing and living life with people who love me and the kids who are happy for us as we take this next step. With family who realise that this month will be hard and that Im being brave. I dont want medals I just want to be happy. I want to be laughing, being  silly, having fun! And that is exactly what Steve would have wanted for me and the kids.
So for those who arent happy, well quite simply I will refer back to my Nans saying.
Because my friends and family are the ones who matter and for those people I do care and will always do my best. And that is how Steve felt about me and the girls. He wanted to take care of me and the girls and he would be pleased that my "Can Do" "Fighting Spirit!" has returned.